Some days I feel like a vitamin-deprived blob of a person. I try to be vaguely healthy, save the odd takeaway, and my habit for grazing on chocolate biscuits. I don’t get these ‘clean eating’ fads, but I do eat a lot of vegetables, and I’ve really tried to cut down how much meat I eat. I don’t drink coffee. I rarely drink alcohol. I’ve never smoked a cigarette in my whole life.
So why do I feel like shit all the time?
I thought it was stress. Now I’ve switched jobs, and feel much happier, I thought I’d feel physically better, too. It’s taken a while, but I’ve learned that mind and body aren’t really so separate. And my mind feels so much better… but I’m still getting headaches. Cold sores. Mouth ulcers. It’s like I’ve permanently got a virus in my system and I just can’t shift it.
Yes, I need to do more exercise. Yes, I could do with giving up the chocolate biscuits. But let’s get real here: I’m never going to be one of those Instagram health freaks that glow with the goodness of a thousand spiralised courgettes. I like pasta, OK? And not the wholewheat kind. I also use real butter – on white bread! Yes, I do! And I like it!
Am I my own worst enemy? Should I stop faffing about on the internet, and go for a run? Possibly. I do need to do something, because I’m bored of feeling wretched. Like most normal people, I’ve been a bit of a hermit through the bitterly cold winter months. I don’t know about full-on running, but I can certainly walk more. I’ll save money on bus fares, and see more of the detail of the beautiful city I live in.
The truth is, I’ve never really enjoyed exercise. I’m a bit lazy. My hobbies – writing, painting – are sedentary pursuits. As a kid, I’d always prefer a quiet corner of the house to sit and doodle, rather than playing outside. I like swimming, but that’s something I do on holiday, rather than on a regular basis. Although I’m not overweight, I am unfit, and getting into anything active is going to be a serious effort, but something I know I need to do.
I’ll start with the walking. I’ll eat more salad and less comfort food now that the seasons are changing. I could do with losing a bit of weight, as I’m a bridesmaid in July, and I need to fit in the dress (it’s lilac, and gorgeous). If I get offered a permanent contract in my current job, which seems likely, I might treat myself to membership at the nearby hotel swimming pool and gym (as it seems I’m an indoor person). I’m not sure how I feel about gym memberships… would I actually go? I suppose it’s worth a try.
The only advantage to my current bout of mouth ulcers is it hurts too much to tuck in to my Easter eggs. Small blessings…?